Feeling better slowly...

Well, I am starting to see the light through the trees. I am feeling more and more happiness and joy and I am starting to understand that I do have amazing blessings in my life. I have always known that, but sometimes it takes tough times to remind you how important some people are.

My sister... first of all, she was the biggest support system for me when we gor pregnant, before Preston was even on board, Em was doing jumping jacks and showing me, by example, that being a Mom of three young children is not only possible, but doable and even fun! She has always been my best friend, but when things are tough, she shines brighter then all else. Her children still have issues sleeping at night and Em rarely gets sleep let alone a shower, good dinner or time to herself. But when I was at my worst, Em put all of that behind her and wanted nothing but to get me through this tough time.

My Mom, Mom is one of those poeple that is giving and self less she makes you so appreciative that Thank yous dont always do justice. From the moment we got the news that the baby had died, she was on point, ready to do anything for me, Preston or the girls. She never puts herself first or asks for anything from you, she just helps and tries to let you heal. She is amazing.

My husband - Preston was vert scared when we got pregnant again. We were on birth control so this little baby was the definition of a shock... but he had slowly come around to the idea and had even starting making plans for the nursery and ways to bring in more money. He was standing by myside when out doctor told us our baby's heart had stopped beating and he gripped my hand so tightly I knew his pain. After that, he was in case mode, whatever that had to mean, whether it was a sobbing wife, and angry Mom or someone who was almost bipolar.

My girls - my chickies. There are so many things I can say about these two amazing blessings. The make my heart smile, make me laugh, make me humble and make me so tahknful. They seem to know when things are hard and seem to turn on the sweetness, cuteness and funniness. They have been my litte teeny (sometimes sassy) rocks through all of this and have made my heart heal when it felt broken and remind me that God's denials are not punishments, they simply teach you patience, stregnth and awareness of other people's strife. They love you if you have mascara streaming down your face, if you have not showered, if you cannot put two words together - they could care less.... they just just love you.

My Hannah - Hannah has been such a sweet girl through all of this, she asks so many questions that force you to think about things on a simpler lever. Hannah is very smart and very sensitive. When I came to her house to get the girls after getting the news about the baby I was crying. She came running up to me asking me why I was crying and where was baby Doury (that was what she called the baby). Explaining it to Hannah made me think about it so differently. Hannah now likes to look up to the ceiling and stare. We ask her what she is looking at and she says she sees baby Doury, because she is a tiny angel. There is not much more I can say.

Friends and Family - thank you for your support, kind words, prayers and sentiment. A lot people do not know what to say, so they dont say anything at all, the situation is delicate, but I know people feel for us and that I appreciate. I love you all.

God is good, and helpful and He has sent angels all around me.